Maybe and Trump Cards
by Diary
Summary: Mickey understands less than he'd like. Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own Shameless.

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Angie once told him, 'If you have something someone's desperate to have and you want control over them, wait until you're sure it's the best time to play that card. And if it works, well, make sure it's worth it, kid. If it's not a once-a-whatever thing, be careful how you dole it. The biggest risk is that you want it just as badly, or worse, need it, and they realise it.'

She'd frowned and shook her head as she explained this.

Her catchphrase is, 'Life's too short.' She went further, once, explaining, 'Die happy or die miserable, just don't be stupid enough to think you that you won't die too soon.'

He thinks that, if Ian were less wrapped up in feelings, jealousy and stubborn, stupid belief in happily ever after for Southside hoodrats, Ian would like her. They're a lot alike, something he tries hard not to think about. She's just as fearless, just as uncaring how people view her, and she has a shotgun he has no doubts she'd use without a second thought if anyone is ever enough of a moron to come onto her property and do anything she doesn't like.

The first time Ian went after him with a crowbar or tire iron (he can't remember which- mainly, he just remembers sitting on top of this carrot top, freckled face boy who looked at him with hard brown eyes that turned softer as realisation filtered through), he never thought it'd be more than once.

Ian wanted the gun, and they both knew that accusations of gayness were rarely successful. A person either outed themselves in the process, or they likely got killed for insinuating things that couldn't be proven.

So, he gave him the gun and thought it wiped the slate. Ian would go back to Kash, and Mickey- probably would've had to give up going there.

Except, Ian tried to kiss him, and he didn't kiss. Angie taught him how, but he didn't like doing it even with her. He'd heard there were more germs in the mouth than anywhere else on the body, and having someone's spit and tongue in his mouth wasn't pleasurable.

He saw the disappointment and hurt, and some part of him realised, _trump card_.

It's not like he thought he'd ever be able to use it or knew why he'd even want to.

Ian always got off with him, and he always got off himself. Ian might have been a good imitation of the boy-next-door and wanted to be military, but he was just as much of a criminal as everyone else. Ian was good to Mandy even after they stopped fake dating.

When Frank found out, some part of him was tempted to see if a kiss would be enough to get Ian to let him do what needed to be done and kill the bastard.

Instead, he lashed out and still found himself not killing Frank, the thought of Ian having more to do with that decision than he wanted to admit.

Then, the dad of Ian's big sister's boyfriend came around. Never mind that the whole thing seemed like something out of the insane soap operas his mom was in love with, more importantly, he saw exactly how much Ian liked his newest regular lay. How it was more than sex between them.

He knew Ian would get out; he'd probably known that even before Mandy had set things in motion by telling him that that redheaded Gallagher had disrespected her.

It's just- it turned out, he wanted to see that happen. He wanted to be important until that day came. He wanted to be around.

"He's not afraid to kiss me," Ian told him with his mixture of proud, defiant, and scared, a challenge extended.

It wasn't just a challenge, though. It was the trump card. It might not work, it might be too late, it might end in Ian realising it wasn't actually wanted once he got it, but with all that, if it was his best hope. And he wasn't going to be a coward, wasn't going to deny himself the potential gain, by not using it.

The time had come.

No tongue, and he found himself liking the press of lips against lips.

When Ian spent the night, he left a kiss go deeper and found it was good, better than he believed it could be, but he only let it happen once.

Before he said, 'I do,' Ian appeared, hung-over and too sad, the bruises gone.

His first thought was actually about Mandy. He'd kill any boy who pushed her around, especially if the boy was sleeping with her. Justifications of being drunk and trying to walk away were there, but so was the reminder he would have once happily done much worse, that when Ian came for the gun, they'd both given as good as they got. Stupid, he figured to try to apply normal standards of never hit, never be with someone who does.

He didn't particularly believe himself, but he was more focused on remembering, "You love me, and you're gay," as he stared into hurt brown eyes.

All he could was explain that not everyone could always be so fearless with their words and thoughts. He couldn't go further, talk about how Ian had his family, Angie had whatever Angie had, and maybe Mandy wouldn't care, but the rest of the Southside world, they'd do worse than just have him and an innocent woman raped. He was lucky to have come out alive, lucky Ian came out alive, and he knew it.

Ian kissed him.

He liked it, he needed it, and it wouldn't change anything. Maybe it was a once-a-whatever thing, maybe Ian realised how much he liked and needed it, or maybe he just needed to accept what he thought he already had- whatever he was, how much he was in love with Ian, it didn't change the fact Ian was destined to get out, and he wasn't.

Standing in front of everyone, he held her hand and hoped he'd never put bruises on her, kick her while she was down. He hoped the kid she was carrying could be strong enough to be fearless, good enough to want to get out, and manage to do it, but he doubted it. He kissed her, and he wondered if she could taste Ian. He wondered if she even cared.

Angie told him about trump cards and life being too short to bother with them, hinting that it was never really worth it when a person resorted to them, but she never told him that the biggest risk in life was falling in love and somehow managing to believe, even when knowing better, that maybe there was a chance.

Maybe she's like Ian and refuses to believe such things, or maybe she just knew he wouldn't understand, wouldn't listen.

Can't blame her, he supposes, because he wouldn't have listened, and he still has less understanding than he'd like of any of it.


End file.
